Hilarious tales of the high life

Oct 30 2008 by Michelle Coyle, North Wales Weekly News

THERE aren’t many who would open a talk on their climbing experiences with an image of them as a child, stark-naked holding a plastic bag with a poo inside, but renowned mountaineer Andy Kirkpatrick pulled it off with aplomb at Venue Cymru in Llandudno.

Abandoning the format often adopted by climbers on the circuit – regaling those who have never worn a harness with tales of their bravado and the importance of team work – Andy revealed in an hilarious fashion just how grim an expedition (“a holiday that someone else pays for”) to Patagonia really is. With his best tips for the aspiring climber being “only look hard when somebody’s watching” and “always be colour coordinated”, Andy certainly brings something different to the table.

With an outrageous sense of humour, Andy’s stand-up routine appeals to more than just your average down-clad climber. This, he noted, is a necessity. “Climbing is a lot like self-gratification: it’s great when you are doing it, but other people aren’t interested in hearing about it.”

Self-deprecatingly, Andy claimed that his ability to climb the impossible lies not in any super-human strength, but plain stupidity and the fear of looking small.

Andy’s motivation for going repeatedly into the hell that is Patagonian winter climbing is impossible to describe in one evening, he said, quipping,“Buy my book, Psycho-vertical.” Ker-ching!

The lunacy of it all does not escape Andy: “What is the point? You get to the top, take a picture of you going ‘Wahey!’ and get back down.” That said, the simple post-coital bliss that follows scoring that tick in the guidebook when the drive to climb wanes, however momentarily, is a clear motivation for this mad man. The lunacy is the point in itself, as many North Wales climbers will attest.